These were a few I thought the prettiest - she had so many. I'm sure I've missed several nice ones, many were potted plants, and some pictures came out very blurred.
But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. Isaiah 40:31
Showing posts with label Ruedean Update. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ruedean Update. Show all posts
Saturday, May 23, 2009
A few of Mom's flowers
These were a few I thought the prettiest - she had so many. I'm sure I've missed several nice ones, many were potted plants, and some pictures came out very blurred.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Ups and Downs - Coping, but sometimes not so well
Some hours, Mom's death just doesn't seem real. Other times all too much real. The hurt never seems to stop, it's like the tide in a storm. I feel this not just for myself. But for my family, watching them go through it, I wish I could take their hurt away and carry it myself. I always tried (though probably didn't succeed well) to protect my siblings - from whatever. I prayed for them. I wanted them to be happy. As I got older, I learned well how to step into shadows and hide my pain, my dreams, everything, so their needs could be met first. I guess I still do.
I look around at all the talent and gifts abundant in my family - and wonder at times what my place in it all is. I seem to offend others so easily - a compliment turns into something critical. And I strive again to step into the shadows, it's better to say nothing. I had to rewrite my last post, it didn't sound right ... the one about Mom. I hope it sounds better now.
Most of my posts like this - I never publish. This will probably be my last serious post. I'm always afraid I will offend or someone will misunderstand. It's easier to just publish pictures and fun stuff.
Last year at Mother's Day. Mom saved my life. I would gladly trade a million times over if I could have saved hers instead. I had a miscarriage, and things were not right, I was loosing a lot of blood - and didn't realize my body was basically in labor. In spite of my fear of hospitals and doctors, I went to the ER. Mom and Tim came too. Mom would not let them give me a full morphine dose. And when I reacted with a drop in my blood pressure and heart rate and a loss of consiousness, it was mom who noticed first and got things moving. It was Mom who helped get me up out of the wheelchair when I was too far gone to move and they were short an extra hand. My blood pressure was so low, something like 40 / 20, and my pulse around 25. If mom hadn't fought the dosage and prevented other dosages or caught it before it was too late ... I would have died.
That would have been the baby named after her had it lived, or the one I lost the year before that. I know she ached with both losses - every baby that I lost - just as much as I did.
I feel so inadiquate to the task I find myself facing. I pray daily for strength and wisdom and courage. I cry often when people are not around. I'm suppose to be the strong one ... or so I've been told. I'm the one who never cries - why do people assume that makes me strong? or maybe they think I don't care. But that doesn't mean I don't love deeply - and hurt for others easily. It only means I've learned well how to hide in the shadows.
If God doesn't help me with this task, I know I will fail. I can't do it alone. I pray God will help me with this daunting task for which I feel so ill equipped.
I look around at all the talent and gifts abundant in my family - and wonder at times what my place in it all is. I seem to offend others so easily - a compliment turns into something critical. And I strive again to step into the shadows, it's better to say nothing. I had to rewrite my last post, it didn't sound right ... the one about Mom. I hope it sounds better now.
Most of my posts like this - I never publish. This will probably be my last serious post. I'm always afraid I will offend or someone will misunderstand. It's easier to just publish pictures and fun stuff.
Last year at Mother's Day. Mom saved my life. I would gladly trade a million times over if I could have saved hers instead. I had a miscarriage, and things were not right, I was loosing a lot of blood - and didn't realize my body was basically in labor. In spite of my fear of hospitals and doctors, I went to the ER. Mom and Tim came too. Mom would not let them give me a full morphine dose. And when I reacted with a drop in my blood pressure and heart rate and a loss of consiousness, it was mom who noticed first and got things moving. It was Mom who helped get me up out of the wheelchair when I was too far gone to move and they were short an extra hand. My blood pressure was so low, something like 40 / 20, and my pulse around 25. If mom hadn't fought the dosage and prevented other dosages or caught it before it was too late ... I would have died.
That would have been the baby named after her had it lived, or the one I lost the year before that. I know she ached with both losses - every baby that I lost - just as much as I did.
I feel so inadiquate to the task I find myself facing. I pray daily for strength and wisdom and courage. I cry often when people are not around. I'm suppose to be the strong one ... or so I've been told. I'm the one who never cries - why do people assume that makes me strong? or maybe they think I don't care. But that doesn't mean I don't love deeply - and hurt for others easily. It only means I've learned well how to hide in the shadows.
If God doesn't help me with this task, I know I will fail. I can't do it alone. I pray God will help me with this daunting task for which I feel so ill equipped.
It Will Be Worth It All
Growing up, Mom would put a stack of records on the record player every night. Most of them were children's songs and stories - our favorites were produced by Children's Bible Hour with Uncle Charlie and Aunt Bea. I still find myself resorting to the stories to teach my children life lessons. They are just so good!
One of those stories was about a family struggling to cross America during the pioneer days. Bad things kept happening to them. But they struggled forward and finally reached the land of milk and honey. They kept refering to the verse about how once you put your hand to the plow, a good man will not look back. It's been a LONG time since I heard the story. I would love to get all the records converted to MP3s for the kids.
Anyway, after the story was always a song ... and I loved that song.
It will be worth it all
When we see Jesus.
Our trials will seem so small,
When we see him.
One glimps of his dear face,
All sorrow will erase.
So bravely run the race
Till we see him.
My mom has glimpsed heaven and the dear face of Jesus. I know she worried, about the future, making sure all of her grandchildren knew the way to salvation, whether she had made a good descision, about Dad. She prayed too - and worked hard.
The funeral yesterday wasn't a sad event. There were tons of tears ... not for loosing her to heaven, but because we are left behind and will miss her guidance and love. It was more of a celebration of life - of the new life she is living in heaven. It was a celebration of her life and love. We all know and love the Lord - it will be only a short time before we'll be joining her up there in heaven. We don't know when - it may be a few years or close to a centry for some of the little ones.
We stayed to watch them lower the casket yesterday. The children were fascinated and asking questions. I was sitting in the middle of them, answering all their questions, telling them stories, making them laugh and ask more questions. It was a lesson in life. One of the funeral home workers cornered me as we were leaving ... we would have stayed for the tractor, but had a meal to go eat .... and commented that he was so impressed by the way I handled all the children's comments and questions. I almost cried. I told him thank you - but that is just part of the legacy my mom has left behind. Had she been there, she would have been the one sitting in the middle of the children and teaching them. .... And it's true. While I have natural talent with working with children, it's my mom that taught me how to use it. It's second nature. Like breathing.
Ruth said yesterday. Mom left big shoes to fill. It's going to take us all working together to fill them. Yeah, that's about the gist of it. We all have a generous portion of the love and passion that was my mom. Tim and I were talking about it with the girls on the way home.
I have only mom's gift of working with children. The ability to turn any situation into a lesson, pull a story from thin air, a craft from piles of odds and ends. Of all the sisters, I'm the one with the least talent. I have a knack for bumbling things, and I'm no real writer. I have long known that things I say often don't come across the way they were intended and adults and teens are offended. Not a day goes by since Mom's death that I don't wish God had taken me last year and left her here. I'm trying hard to pull myself together and become a good teacher to the kids - and fill her shoes. I love deeply - and spent most of my childhood tyring to protect my siblings, real ones, the foster ones, and the ones that adopted us. I can't protect them from death.
Rebekah has her gift of organizing and planning. She has the 11 children. She's kept things next door running smoothly during this last week, managing the trip her husband and children took down from our house and helping the the funeral arrangements - everything - calmly and without comment. She's as close to perfect as they come - like Mom was. I could fill pages with her talents.
Ruth has mom's undying passion and love. Even tempered and hard working, she almost never says "no" to anyone. She's helped my girls put in a beautiful garden for us. There are buds and blossoms all over it. We've had so much rain. Like mom, she often puts others needs well ahead of her own.
Rhoda has mom's sense of justice and ability to create something from nearly nothing. Comes in handy when your stretching a budget. Mom had been teaching her to take over her bills for the last couple of months. She'll be keeping Dad's finances in order. What a blessing that will be to Dad.
All of our gifts overlap and ooze into each other. Those are just the areas that you see the strongest show of my mom in that person. And if you look around, you can see her influence already in the grandchildren, extended family, friends, and so much more. Mom's still here - we just can't hug and chat with her anymore. Countless times this week I've caught myself saying, "We'll have to ask mom, she would know."
One of those stories was about a family struggling to cross America during the pioneer days. Bad things kept happening to them. But they struggled forward and finally reached the land of milk and honey. They kept refering to the verse about how once you put your hand to the plow, a good man will not look back. It's been a LONG time since I heard the story. I would love to get all the records converted to MP3s for the kids.
Anyway, after the story was always a song ... and I loved that song.
It will be worth it all
When we see Jesus.
Our trials will seem so small,
When we see him.
One glimps of his dear face,
All sorrow will erase.
So bravely run the race
Till we see him.
My mom has glimpsed heaven and the dear face of Jesus. I know she worried, about the future, making sure all of her grandchildren knew the way to salvation, whether she had made a good descision, about Dad. She prayed too - and worked hard.
The funeral yesterday wasn't a sad event. There were tons of tears ... not for loosing her to heaven, but because we are left behind and will miss her guidance and love. It was more of a celebration of life - of the new life she is living in heaven. It was a celebration of her life and love. We all know and love the Lord - it will be only a short time before we'll be joining her up there in heaven. We don't know when - it may be a few years or close to a centry for some of the little ones.
We stayed to watch them lower the casket yesterday. The children were fascinated and asking questions. I was sitting in the middle of them, answering all their questions, telling them stories, making them laugh and ask more questions. It was a lesson in life. One of the funeral home workers cornered me as we were leaving ... we would have stayed for the tractor, but had a meal to go eat .... and commented that he was so impressed by the way I handled all the children's comments and questions. I almost cried. I told him thank you - but that is just part of the legacy my mom has left behind. Had she been there, she would have been the one sitting in the middle of the children and teaching them. .... And it's true. While I have natural talent with working with children, it's my mom that taught me how to use it. It's second nature. Like breathing.
Ruth said yesterday. Mom left big shoes to fill. It's going to take us all working together to fill them. Yeah, that's about the gist of it. We all have a generous portion of the love and passion that was my mom. Tim and I were talking about it with the girls on the way home.
I have only mom's gift of working with children. The ability to turn any situation into a lesson, pull a story from thin air, a craft from piles of odds and ends. Of all the sisters, I'm the one with the least talent. I have a knack for bumbling things, and I'm no real writer. I have long known that things I say often don't come across the way they were intended and adults and teens are offended. Not a day goes by since Mom's death that I don't wish God had taken me last year and left her here. I'm trying hard to pull myself together and become a good teacher to the kids - and fill her shoes. I love deeply - and spent most of my childhood tyring to protect my siblings, real ones, the foster ones, and the ones that adopted us. I can't protect them from death.
Rebekah has her gift of organizing and planning. She has the 11 children. She's kept things next door running smoothly during this last week, managing the trip her husband and children took down from our house and helping the the funeral arrangements - everything - calmly and without comment. She's as close to perfect as they come - like Mom was. I could fill pages with her talents.
Ruth has mom's undying passion and love. Even tempered and hard working, she almost never says "no" to anyone. She's helped my girls put in a beautiful garden for us. There are buds and blossoms all over it. We've had so much rain. Like mom, she often puts others needs well ahead of her own.
Rhoda has mom's sense of justice and ability to create something from nearly nothing. Comes in handy when your stretching a budget. Mom had been teaching her to take over her bills for the last couple of months. She'll be keeping Dad's finances in order. What a blessing that will be to Dad.
All of our gifts overlap and ooze into each other. Those are just the areas that you see the strongest show of my mom in that person. And if you look around, you can see her influence already in the grandchildren, extended family, friends, and so much more. Mom's still here - we just can't hug and chat with her anymore. Countless times this week I've caught myself saying, "We'll have to ask mom, she would know."
Eulogy To Velma Ruedean “Grammy Rue”
A Eulogy To Velma Ruedean “Grammy Rue”
It just doesn’t seem real. The woman is 61 years young and full of life. She has her grandkids close to her and lives every minute for them. Seven live on the property with their parents, one with her. Two live just in town. Eleven more live in North Carolina and she counts every minute until she can see them again. Pictures of every one of them line her walls. She is proud of each and every one of them. She teaches some of them home school classes. She watches others play in the yard. She has them overnight in the spare bedrooms. She has enough car seats to carry a small daycare to town with her. She has two preteens that she takes in after school. She teaches Puggles in Awana on Wednesday nights. She keeps two Gulfstreams jets clean whenever they come into town. She has cakes to decorate with the May graduation and June wedding season just around the corner. She has grandchildren to catch as an assistant midwife. She keeps her family finances in line. She loves her husband.
She has her physical problems but who doesn’t. She has had a hole in her retna that doesn’t allow her to see out of one eye. She has a bad back with arthritis from an accident in which she was run over by a truck in a parking lot. She often comments about minor aches and pains and not getting enough sleep. None of these are anything you would go to doctor for individually.
None of these were problems until Saturday, May 9. After watching her go downhill all morning, her husband watches her pass out and calls her daughter for a second opinion on what to do. An ambulance should be called, it is decided, but the woman revives and says it is not necessary. Her arguments are good except she is having trouble articulating them. A stroke is suspected so the ambulance is called. She argues incomprehensibly with a rag on her forehead until the paramedics put her in the ambulance and take her to Good Shepherd Hospital.
On the way to the hospital she struggles to breath so they must get the airway going. Every time the woman wakes up she must be sedated. She is trying to remove the IV’s and the airways.
CAT scans are run. Blood test are taken. The doctors find her heart in good shape but her liver is not. The lungs are collapsing. Exploratory surgery must be performed to find the source of the problem. The Gallbladder is removed. Dye is run through the ducts in the liver and pancreas and it is declared that the next 48 hours are critical in order to know if she will pull through.
Children are called and told to be at the hospital as soon as possible in the morning before surgery. A son-in-law drives to Dallas to pick up a daughter flying in on the 5am flight from Raleigh-Durham. Thank God from small things like frequent flier miles. If a red eye were available she would have been on it. She arrives after surgery and is the last to say good-bye.
The already low blood pressure drops. Core temperature drops. Prayer is being sent to heaven from people around the world thanks to Facebook, Blogs, emails, prayer chains and cell phones. All this technology allows friends and family to follow of the life and death struggle going on in an ICU in Longview.
Finally at 3:23 on Sunday May 10, Mother’s day, it all stops. Just 26 hours after the ambulance call, she is recalled by her maker. She always wanted to go fast. The woman who wanted to carry everyone else’s burden did not want to be a burden herself.
As the family gathers in a waiting room on the 6th floor of the hospital, an impromptu wake begins. The tears start flowing. The questions start flying. What went wrong? What could we have done different? What next? Who is going to teach us? What about Papa? Some of the questions are moot points since there is nothing to be done now. Some of them need answered because it means how we will continue to live our lives.
The scenario is almost surreal. She is with us one day and gone the next. At what point is a problem too big to be ignored and should be dealt with? Is the pain a pay me now or pay me later situation? What about the eternal soul? Is religion a topic that we can sit around and argue about or discuss in lofty ideals? At what point do we quit playing games and make it real? This is not a movie, hour-long TV drama, Nintendo game or a novel any more. This is not the person you talk about in prayer meeting half way across the country. This is Grammy and this is real.
Velma Ruedean. You will be missed. You are well loved. You leave a big gap. People around the world have been affected by your life, your love, your work, your ministry and your cause: Five children; four daughters and one adopted son; their spouses, many foster children, four siblings; one brother, two step brothers and one step sister; twenty-one live grandchildren, one more is on the way that will be named after you, one husband, one mother, one stepfather, many children she has sat for in nurseries and has watched on school playgrounds, taught in classrooms, has managed in restaurants. Others you have kept from infancy, and the many, many others who thought of you has just “Mom”, or simply as “Grammy Rue”.
She is heaven today, enjoying the grandchild who died fifteen days into life. She is enjoying many children and grandchildren whom she never got to meet because of miscarriages.
Godspeed to you, Grammy Rue. We are looking for the day when we can meet again in heaven. As it says in Titus 2:13-14:
Looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ; Who gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works.
Tim R, May 11, 2009
It just doesn’t seem real. The woman is 61 years young and full of life. She has her grandkids close to her and lives every minute for them. Seven live on the property with their parents, one with her. Two live just in town. Eleven more live in North Carolina and she counts every minute until she can see them again. Pictures of every one of them line her walls. She is proud of each and every one of them. She teaches some of them home school classes. She watches others play in the yard. She has them overnight in the spare bedrooms. She has enough car seats to carry a small daycare to town with her. She has two preteens that she takes in after school. She teaches Puggles in Awana on Wednesday nights. She keeps two Gulfstreams jets clean whenever they come into town. She has cakes to decorate with the May graduation and June wedding season just around the corner. She has grandchildren to catch as an assistant midwife. She keeps her family finances in line. She loves her husband.
She has her physical problems but who doesn’t. She has had a hole in her retna that doesn’t allow her to see out of one eye. She has a bad back with arthritis from an accident in which she was run over by a truck in a parking lot. She often comments about minor aches and pains and not getting enough sleep. None of these are anything you would go to doctor for individually.
None of these were problems until Saturday, May 9. After watching her go downhill all morning, her husband watches her pass out and calls her daughter for a second opinion on what to do. An ambulance should be called, it is decided, but the woman revives and says it is not necessary. Her arguments are good except she is having trouble articulating them. A stroke is suspected so the ambulance is called. She argues incomprehensibly with a rag on her forehead until the paramedics put her in the ambulance and take her to Good Shepherd Hospital.
On the way to the hospital she struggles to breath so they must get the airway going. Every time the woman wakes up she must be sedated. She is trying to remove the IV’s and the airways.
CAT scans are run. Blood test are taken. The doctors find her heart in good shape but her liver is not. The lungs are collapsing. Exploratory surgery must be performed to find the source of the problem. The Gallbladder is removed. Dye is run through the ducts in the liver and pancreas and it is declared that the next 48 hours are critical in order to know if she will pull through.
Children are called and told to be at the hospital as soon as possible in the morning before surgery. A son-in-law drives to Dallas to pick up a daughter flying in on the 5am flight from Raleigh-Durham. Thank God from small things like frequent flier miles. If a red eye were available she would have been on it. She arrives after surgery and is the last to say good-bye.
The already low blood pressure drops. Core temperature drops. Prayer is being sent to heaven from people around the world thanks to Facebook, Blogs, emails, prayer chains and cell phones. All this technology allows friends and family to follow of the life and death struggle going on in an ICU in Longview.
Finally at 3:23 on Sunday May 10, Mother’s day, it all stops. Just 26 hours after the ambulance call, she is recalled by her maker. She always wanted to go fast. The woman who wanted to carry everyone else’s burden did not want to be a burden herself.
As the family gathers in a waiting room on the 6th floor of the hospital, an impromptu wake begins. The tears start flowing. The questions start flying. What went wrong? What could we have done different? What next? Who is going to teach us? What about Papa? Some of the questions are moot points since there is nothing to be done now. Some of them need answered because it means how we will continue to live our lives.
The scenario is almost surreal. She is with us one day and gone the next. At what point is a problem too big to be ignored and should be dealt with? Is the pain a pay me now or pay me later situation? What about the eternal soul? Is religion a topic that we can sit around and argue about or discuss in lofty ideals? At what point do we quit playing games and make it real? This is not a movie, hour-long TV drama, Nintendo game or a novel any more. This is not the person you talk about in prayer meeting half way across the country. This is Grammy and this is real.
Velma Ruedean. You will be missed. You are well loved. You leave a big gap. People around the world have been affected by your life, your love, your work, your ministry and your cause: Five children; four daughters and one adopted son; their spouses, many foster children, four siblings; one brother, two step brothers and one step sister; twenty-one live grandchildren, one more is on the way that will be named after you, one husband, one mother, one stepfather, many children she has sat for in nurseries and has watched on school playgrounds, taught in classrooms, has managed in restaurants. Others you have kept from infancy, and the many, many others who thought of you has just “Mom”, or simply as “Grammy Rue”.
She is heaven today, enjoying the grandchild who died fifteen days into life. She is enjoying many children and grandchildren whom she never got to meet because of miscarriages.
Godspeed to you, Grammy Rue. We are looking for the day when we can meet again in heaven. As it says in Titus 2:13-14:
Looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ; Who gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works.
Tim R, May 11, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
In Memory of My Mom
http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/news-journal/obituary.aspx?n=velma-ruedean-burk-grammy-rue&pid=127205790
Please sign her guest book.
I'm also putting a picture album up on my Picasa website - email me if you need the link.
Please sign her guest book.
I'm also putting a picture album up on my Picasa website - email me if you need the link.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Funeral Arrangements
Viewing:
Welch's Funeral Home
5 - 7 PM Wednesday, May 13
Services:
Woodland Hills Baptist Church
2PM Thursday, May 14
Donations to mission organizations (like MAF, HCJB, CMA, and others), Gidion Bibles, Focus on the Family and Compassion International - anything geared to spread the Good News of the gospel that Mom loved so well - instead of flowers would be a very welcome memorial at this time.
I know I would love to see a church overflowing on Thursday - I know my mom touched thousands of lives. If people can see from heaven, and I think they can, I'm sure she'll be watching her own funeral. I want her to see how much she was loved - and how many people will miss her. I know it would mean the world to my dad too.
Welch's Funeral Home
5 - 7 PM Wednesday, May 13
Services:
Woodland Hills Baptist Church
2PM Thursday, May 14
Donations to mission organizations (like MAF, HCJB, CMA, and others), Gidion Bibles, Focus on the Family and Compassion International - anything geared to spread the Good News of the gospel that Mom loved so well - instead of flowers would be a very welcome memorial at this time.
I know I would love to see a church overflowing on Thursday - I know my mom touched thousands of lives. If people can see from heaven, and I think they can, I'm sure she'll be watching her own funeral. I want her to see how much she was loved - and how many people will miss her. I know it would mean the world to my dad too.
The End of the World
I promise this won't turn into a "Mom's Death" blog.
But writing is very theraputic for me.
All night an old song has been going through my head ...
"Why does the sun keep on shining?
Why do these eyes of mine cry?
Don't say no,
It's the end of the world.
It ended when you said good-bye."
I don't know the whole song - just that small part.
Outside the rain mists and pours. As if the whole sky is crying. Shortly after Mom died, storms rolled in over the hospital and it began to thunder and lightning. Ruth obseved, "Mom's already shaking things up, up there." I agreed, "She's probably trying to explain that she has too much left to do to die now."
Mom was always "late to everything" - because she needed to have things just right and triple check everything. She use to tell me, "I'll probably be late to my own funeral." .... But she wasn't - she was only 61. She's early.
My dad doesn't do email much - but I've been printing everything for him (and family) to read. I think it would be very meaningful to him if people would write "What Ruedean Meant to Me" type tributes - however long you want - and get them to him, either mail directly or post here to the blog - or email me .. he loved her with his heart and soul and mind. She was his world. God first, Each other second, and family third, extended friends and family next, and they always were adding to the family and many friends are as close as family .... love was so evident in their lives.
We will all miss her .. Mom, Grammy, Mrs. Rue, Grammy Rue, Sis, whatever it was we called her. How can we fill the ache?
Her funeral will by Thursday at 2:00. At Rhoda's church. They are putting all the information in the paper. I'll get the rest of the info out ASAP.
But writing is very theraputic for me.
All night an old song has been going through my head ...
"Why does the sun keep on shining?
Why do these eyes of mine cry?
Don't say no,
It's the end of the world.
It ended when you said good-bye."
I don't know the whole song - just that small part.
Outside the rain mists and pours. As if the whole sky is crying. Shortly after Mom died, storms rolled in over the hospital and it began to thunder and lightning. Ruth obseved, "Mom's already shaking things up, up there." I agreed, "She's probably trying to explain that she has too much left to do to die now."
Mom was always "late to everything" - because she needed to have things just right and triple check everything. She use to tell me, "I'll probably be late to my own funeral." .... But she wasn't - she was only 61. She's early.
My dad doesn't do email much - but I've been printing everything for him (and family) to read. I think it would be very meaningful to him if people would write "What Ruedean Meant to Me" type tributes - however long you want - and get them to him, either mail directly or post here to the blog - or email me .. he loved her with his heart and soul and mind. She was his world. God first, Each other second, and family third, extended friends and family next, and they always were adding to the family and many friends are as close as family .... love was so evident in their lives.
We will all miss her .. Mom, Grammy, Mrs. Rue, Grammy Rue, Sis, whatever it was we called her. How can we fill the ache?
Her funeral will by Thursday at 2:00. At Rhoda's church. They are putting all the information in the paper. I'll get the rest of the info out ASAP.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Ruedean Update - Home from the hospital
I am stunned at the events of this weekend. And yet somehow I KNOW hundreds of prayers continue to be prayed. How can I describe the peace we all have with what has happened. Tears - yes - we go from giggling at a story about mom to crying buckets. Some are having a much harder time with things than others. But there is a bubble of peace.
I know at some point, the full force of what has happened will come slamming into reality. We lost the main cog in how our family runs - Mom put herself there and never accepted help for this job. How do you replace somebody who is so vital to everything that happens.
We've sifted through "What If..." and "Why didn't anybody know she was sick?" and "How did we miss it?" ... and all thos questions. The maybe's ... And I've heard a few "Why?" and "Why now?"
I believe firmly that all things work together for the good of them that love God. We don't know why God allows things to happen - sometimes it is from sin - sometimes the sin of the world - sometimes a witness to somebody. I know that God knew in his perfect grace and knowledge that NOW was when she was going to come home to Heaven. He knew WHEN. He knew HOW. And He knows WHY.
I have suspected for a long time now that she was not doing as well as she pretended - and HID with all her might from everybody. In spite of her constant assurance that she was fine. That she just needed more sleep. And she DID need more sleep. She often stayed up late at night cleaning or paying bills or working a second job. My dad does this too. Pushing themselves well beyond what they should.
I knew, somehow, that when Mom died - it would be fast and sudden. She never wanted to be a burden to anybody. She was very strong-willed. Enough to HIDE how sick she was getting to be. Enough to go on long cleaning frenzys. Enough to let go if she thought she was costing too much money or would be a burden to us in the futures.
I didn't spend very much time with her at the end. The ICU was so crowded. I told Mom often how much we loved her. Nearly every night, Joel would come give my parents good night kisses. Her wish was to spend as much time as she could with her grandchildren. I tried to make her an important part to their life. I could worry that I allowed her too much to take care of my kids, sometimes when I could have done it. But her grandchildren and children were her total existance. I think she would have given up sooner. I did take the girls to see her so they could tell her good-bye.
But all things are from God. He will give us the grace to get through.
Dad and some of the sisters and family will be making funeral arrangements tomorrow. I'm staying home with the kids. The most imporatant arrangement was made many years ago - SHE is in HEAVEN. What we have left is just the body. Mom used to say, "Just bury me out back in a wooden coffin."
Kendra cries and has kept her hands very busy on a crochet blanket.
Vannan cries and cries and cries. I'm most worried about her.
Joel ... I don't know if he understands fully - if I ask him where Grammy is, he will happily tell you that she is in heaven with our baby (the one we lost a year ago). But I don't know if he quite understands that she will not be next door for him - not ever again. Grammy will never again surprise him with a yellow car, or a chunk of chocolate. No TV days at Grammy's house. No sleepovers.
She did so much. I am numb. I know God will carry us through.
Please keep praying.
I know at some point, the full force of what has happened will come slamming into reality. We lost the main cog in how our family runs - Mom put herself there and never accepted help for this job. How do you replace somebody who is so vital to everything that happens.
We've sifted through "What If..." and "Why didn't anybody know she was sick?" and "How did we miss it?" ... and all thos questions. The maybe's ... And I've heard a few "Why?" and "Why now?"
I believe firmly that all things work together for the good of them that love God. We don't know why God allows things to happen - sometimes it is from sin - sometimes the sin of the world - sometimes a witness to somebody. I know that God knew in his perfect grace and knowledge that NOW was when she was going to come home to Heaven. He knew WHEN. He knew HOW. And He knows WHY.
I have suspected for a long time now that she was not doing as well as she pretended - and HID with all her might from everybody. In spite of her constant assurance that she was fine. That she just needed more sleep. And she DID need more sleep. She often stayed up late at night cleaning or paying bills or working a second job. My dad does this too. Pushing themselves well beyond what they should.
I knew, somehow, that when Mom died - it would be fast and sudden. She never wanted to be a burden to anybody. She was very strong-willed. Enough to HIDE how sick she was getting to be. Enough to go on long cleaning frenzys. Enough to let go if she thought she was costing too much money or would be a burden to us in the futures.
I didn't spend very much time with her at the end. The ICU was so crowded. I told Mom often how much we loved her. Nearly every night, Joel would come give my parents good night kisses. Her wish was to spend as much time as she could with her grandchildren. I tried to make her an important part to their life. I could worry that I allowed her too much to take care of my kids, sometimes when I could have done it. But her grandchildren and children were her total existance. I think she would have given up sooner. I did take the girls to see her so they could tell her good-bye.
But all things are from God. He will give us the grace to get through.
Dad and some of the sisters and family will be making funeral arrangements tomorrow. I'm staying home with the kids. The most imporatant arrangement was made many years ago - SHE is in HEAVEN. What we have left is just the body. Mom used to say, "Just bury me out back in a wooden coffin."
Kendra cries and has kept her hands very busy on a crochet blanket.
Vannan cries and cries and cries. I'm most worried about her.
Joel ... I don't know if he understands fully - if I ask him where Grammy is, he will happily tell you that she is in heaven with our baby (the one we lost a year ago). But I don't know if he quite understands that she will not be next door for him - not ever again. Grammy will never again surprise him with a yellow car, or a chunk of chocolate. No TV days at Grammy's house. No sleepovers.
She did so much. I am numb. I know God will carry us through.
Please keep praying.
Ruedean Update - From Bad to Worse
I was hoping to do a thourough update - the surgery revealed acute pancritis.
But she is not doing well - blood pressure contiues to drop and is dangerously low already.
Uncle just called us back to the hospital RIGHT AWAY.
Things must be really bad.
PRAY HARD. We need a miracle.
But she is not doing well - blood pressure contiues to drop and is dangerously low already.
Uncle just called us back to the hospital RIGHT AWAY.
Things must be really bad.
PRAY HARD. We need a miracle.
Waiting
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Ruedean Update
Mom sent down to surgery. Looking for blockage in abdomOn. Blood pressure too low for Dyalisis Machine
Ruedean Update - Things Don't Look Good - 7AM
Ruth called at 7AM, they are planning to do exploritory surgery - probably by 9 or 10AM. The doctors said the only thing that will save her is a miracle - they don't give us much hope. Her kidney's are almost completely shut down.
2nd sister flying in, and should land soon. The doctors said any family that plans to say goodbye should do so now, before the surgery.
We're doing chores and dressing Marriana and Joel.
Even now, Prayer can change things.
2nd sister flying in, and should land soon. The doctors said any family that plans to say goodbye should do so now, before the surgery.
We're doing chores and dressing Marriana and Joel.
Even now, Prayer can change things.
PIcture of my parents
For those of you praying - it often helps to have a face.
These are my parents - Ruedean and Vernon.
Taken Thanksgiving Day.
Update on Mom 1:30 AM
Pray hard - the doctors are worried that Mom will not make it through the night.
Earlier I talked to Rhoda, mom was somewhat alert, and trying to fingerspell her needs to people. Rhoda caught on and understood. But few others know all their letters. Rhoda said she had tubes and machines everywhere - I know she's on oxygen, a respirator, IVs, blood pressure monitor, most likely an oxygen monitor.
Ruth called to explain how serious her condition was ... septic pnemonia. We have a friend who nearly died a few years ago from a similar condition, and is still in a wheel chair and requires a lot of basic care help. It's very dangerous.
Later she called, around midnight, to say they had called our 4th sister to fly down ASAP. Dad wants all of us girls there early in the morning .... they don't expect her to live. She might not make it through the night. They are fighting to keep her stable, blood pressure keeps dropping. Kidney's are barely working and they think they are shutting down. They have given her all the meds that they can. She is partially sedated because she kept thrashing around.
Rhoda went ahead and left to go down a short while ago, dropping her boys with the other grandparents. I almost went too, but I'm pregnant and exhausted ... and thought I might be better off getting a few hours of sleep. I'll probably skip church and stay there.
This baby gets to be named after mom. She is/was so excited. We plan to homebirth at her house and she has helped deliver Vannan and Joel, and was looking forward to helping to birth this one.
Kendra just reminded me .... It was a year ago, Mother's Day, when I lost our last baby - was hospitalized that Thursday/Friday night, and nearly died from a reaction to the Morphine. Yes, she's still awake. She's been crying since we got the midnight call.
I'm heading to bed. I'll not get a chance to update in the morning. But will as soon as I get home tomorrow. I can update with my cell phone - but only very short messages. Though I'll have to change the settings to let them post immediately.
Prayer Changes Things. And there are a LOT of people praying. Mom is a fighter - that's how she could get so sick and nobody quite realize HOW sick. But never predicted septic pnemonia.
Earlier I talked to Rhoda, mom was somewhat alert, and trying to fingerspell her needs to people. Rhoda caught on and understood. But few others know all their letters. Rhoda said she had tubes and machines everywhere - I know she's on oxygen, a respirator, IVs, blood pressure monitor, most likely an oxygen monitor.
Ruth called to explain how serious her condition was ... septic pnemonia. We have a friend who nearly died a few years ago from a similar condition, and is still in a wheel chair and requires a lot of basic care help. It's very dangerous.
Later she called, around midnight, to say they had called our 4th sister to fly down ASAP. Dad wants all of us girls there early in the morning .... they don't expect her to live. She might not make it through the night. They are fighting to keep her stable, blood pressure keeps dropping. Kidney's are barely working and they think they are shutting down. They have given her all the meds that they can. She is partially sedated because she kept thrashing around.
Rhoda went ahead and left to go down a short while ago, dropping her boys with the other grandparents. I almost went too, but I'm pregnant and exhausted ... and thought I might be better off getting a few hours of sleep. I'll probably skip church and stay there.
This baby gets to be named after mom. She is/was so excited. We plan to homebirth at her house and she has helped deliver Vannan and Joel, and was looking forward to helping to birth this one.
Kendra just reminded me .... It was a year ago, Mother's Day, when I lost our last baby - was hospitalized that Thursday/Friday night, and nearly died from a reaction to the Morphine. Yes, she's still awake. She's been crying since we got the midnight call.
I'm heading to bed. I'll not get a chance to update in the morning. But will as soon as I get home tomorrow. I can update with my cell phone - but only very short messages. Though I'll have to change the settings to let them post immediately.
Prayer Changes Things. And there are a LOT of people praying. Mom is a fighter - that's how she could get so sick and nobody quite realize HOW sick. But never predicted septic pnemonia.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Update on Mom - 6:30pm
I think about 3:30, Ruth called to say they suspected an annurism and were sending her for a CAT scan.
At 4:40, my "best friend's husband Steve - whose Dad was a doctor" sent this to my email
Just got off phone w/ Vernon, doesn't have any idea about supper but told him to call me when he did, offered him from our menu. Rue is being sedated, put on ventilator, having trouble w/ respiration. Blood pressure now very low. CAT scan indicates infection, but aneurysm could very well give same image, and blood pressure, events previous to transport would indicate that rather than simple pneumonia. Keep praying, we are! Courage!
Ruth called about 5:40 to say, " Rhoda told Terry, who called me .... Rushing mom to ICU, lungs are collapsing, found a growth on the kidney.
At 4:40, my "best friend's husband Steve - whose Dad was a doctor" sent this to my email
Just got off phone w/ Vernon, doesn't have any idea about supper but told him to call me when he did, offered him from our menu. Rue is being sedated, put on ventilator, having trouble w/ respiration. Blood pressure now very low. CAT scan indicates infection, but aneurysm could very well give same image, and blood pressure, events previous to transport would indicate that rather than simple pneumonia. Keep praying, we are! Courage!
Ruth called about 5:40 to say, " Rhoda told Terry, who called me .... Rushing mom to ICU, lungs are collapsing, found a growth on the kidney.
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