What is a Picky Eater?

Over the years, I've come to realize that whether or not a child is perceived as a picky eater - is often a matter of opinion.

For the most part, I would not consider my children to be picky eaters. But I've often been accused of having picky eaters - because we avoid dairy products. After all, Nobody is really allergic to dairy - it's all in our heads. Right? I've often been told that there is no such thing as a food allergy - unless the child can't breathe and swells up like a balloon and is covered in a rash. Kendra doesn't do that. Well, she use to rash - but she has to really get a LOT of it these days. And Kendra did not react immediately - it was usually 24 - 48 hours later, which took us a long time to pinpoint the problem. What she did was become a whole different child - unable to sit still, think rationally, or keep her temper ... and this lasted 2 -3 days. She wouldn't sleep, was cranky, unpredictable, and impossible to deal with - spankings and time outs did not phase her at all during this time. I finally began to associate the severe diaper rash with her out of control behavior and put it together.

So what would I consider a picky eater?

I consider a picky eater to be a child who has a very limited range of acceptable (to the child) foods - five foods or fewer, to the point that the parent will not even offer a different food and accommodates the child at every point. This child will often cry or pout or make a mess of unwanted foods - the child is in control, not the parent. They are not willing to sit quietly, try anything new, or politely refuse a food. And I'm not talking babies here - kids under 2 who are still learning, I'm talking about older children who should be able to taste without screaming, and mind their manners.

At a potluck recently, I saw a food that I dearly love - and it's on my pregnancy diet. So I put it on my plate. Then I took a bite and wanted to cry - it was HOT - I'm not sure what type of pepper was in/on it, but I couldn't eat it. I'm allergic to peppers - and would have suffered for hours with indigestion, and a burning throat, nose, ears, esophagus, and stomach - to the point that it would be hard to breathe. I use to be able to drink milk to calm the burning (milk has a chemical compound that neutralizes the "burn" chemical in pepper), but milk makes my blood pressure go up for nearly a week, and we are trying to avoid that right now. Would that make me a picky eater?

I once saw a child, around 8, at a restaurant throw a huge tantrum because her hot dog was not right. Her mom had explained the child's wishes in great detail, long enough that several people had began to look at her while she ordered and wondered what ailment the child had - but something was wrong - I wasn't that close. As the child's screams and kicking grew louder, the mom started yelling at the staff and calling them names and said she wasn't going to pay for the meal. It was horrific. That was a picky eater - and a very spoiled child.

Our kids have some simple rules:

Don't put it on your plate - or take just a bite worth - if you might not like it. Better to ask for seconds than to throw away a huge spoonful.

Don't make a scene, and don't play with it, and DONT dump it on the table or floor - just don't eat it. But at least taste it.

If somebody else puts it on your plate, try it ... then refer to the last rule. See if you can alter it - pull out the onions - and then taste it again.

Don't ask for more (of anything else) if you didn't eat what was on your plate.

Don't ask for desert if you didn't eat what was on your plate (sometimes I do make an exception for a small amount if the child tried several bites and made no fuss at all).

When we go out to eat, and we usually do a buffet, the rule is they must sample one new item, eat a portion of meat, 2 green veggies, one other colored veggie, and a fruit ... before they can have any type of desert.

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Our kids have picky moments. Sometimes they even cry or pout. Sometimes I let them fix something else their own selves from a choice - usually something healthy and not a favorite food either. I tell Vannan, you don't have to eat the beans - you can fix yourself a salad instead, and make enough for our lunch tomorrow or you can make a bowl of soup.

And all little kids go through phases where they prefer one thing to the exclusion of all others. Joel would live on peanut butter and apples and wear the same John Deere green shirt everyday with his camo shorts .... if I let him. And his routine has to be exact - he doesn't vary from it much ... maybe he's picky and I just haven't wised up yet....

Some people have a "Never let the child win - EVER" rule. But I do sometimes make an exception and have a reason for my answer - whether it is yes or no. Does it really matter if Joel wears that green shirt every 3 days as it goes through the wash and back in his closet, as long as he doesn't make a fuss about it being washed and he waits for it to get into his closet? Does it matter that he won't eat tomatoes or peaches - since he eats a large variety of other fruits and vegetables?