I'll give the incredibly few things that I remember from our year. If possible - this was a year with more stress than any of the past two decades. Emotionally, I'm just shadows of a year ago. And my focus next year .... just survive.
February - Kendra turned 18. She lost access to her library card and access to her bank account. She can gain access with a state ID or driver's licence. At first we hoped she would do the driver's ID, but as of today, she still has no "proper ID", and therefore still can't check out books at the library or do anything with the money in her bank account - although she IS allowed to deposit money. Tim just hasn't had time to help her get all this fixed. We had a "fun 18 things" surprise party. Everyone brought 18 somethings to give to her. She got popcorn, beads, candy, pennies, and similar such items.
March - Tim returned to McDonald's as a manager. His hours are mostly nights and Sunday mornings, but he often has Friday off. He was suppose to work days so that he could ref, but the night manager they trained quit. He is still applying for every job he finds that he feels qualified for. Also, Vannan decided to start working at W(horse therapy) full days ... her first long day without a ride there with her, she faints at the end of the first hour, and falls backwards onto concrete and hits her head and has a seizure and is taken by ambulance to the hospital. There is no apparent cause for the fainting.
April - I think we had Easter? Tim worked. Aunt V took us to church that Sunday. Tim turned 49. Kendra published "Do You Take This Quest?" on Amazon under the pen name Kendra E. Ardnek.
May - Mom has been gone for 4 years. How long before you stop missing someone? I decide that we need a big project, and we begin to turn our personal library into a fully labeled dewy decimal library. It took us around 3 months to complete and became an obsession for me.
June - Father's Day is the last Sunday that I can remember us going to Sunday morning service at our church. I turned 45, but I feel closer to 70 with all the stress and the pain from the car wreck. Joel turned 8 and we had a Science birthday party for the boys. The trial was suppose to take place sometime during the summer ... but was postponed again.
July - Vannan turned 16. We had a pretty pink zebra party for her. Tim's upper boss pulled strings so we could attend the church 4th of July picnic and fireworks. His upper boss is also a member of our church, and festivities took place at her house. Kendra published her fourth book, "The Ankulen" on Amazon.
August/September - We started up our new school year.
October - LaRue had a Strawberry Shortcake 4th birthday party. The trial was suppose to take place the week before her birthday - but was postponed again.
November - Thanksgiving with the family. And my cousin is killed.
December - the BIG TRIAL
I know everyone is wondering how the trial went. First, the judge severed out LaRue's part - and insists that we have her tested before we go farther with her. That really didn't help. Then it was ... well ... an endless nightmare. Having to relive everything, listening to the opposing side twist everything into something quite opposite to what was said. Huge stress. Emotionally it sprung every negative feeling of being bullied as a child (I was an easy target then - and I guess I still am.) I don't even remember what I said once I sunk into the past and the memories, and I'm quite adrift. We walked to the end of the street yesterday (as if there is any other place to walk) and I found myself lost in the emotions and horror again. I thought I was past that.
We hired the lawyers to take care of the details of paying back and sorting out the medical bills. There were problems with who was paying and the method that we paid ... though I can't explain as it might come up in the future trial. Of course, I can always pull this entry later so it is no longer online ... such as what I did with the original entries from the wreck November of 2009. The problem was that most of our bills were paid by a rather prominent entity that if we received a settlement, we would be required to repay the "full amount charged" for the medical care as payback - even though they would be paying out closer to 10% of that amount. So several people strongly suggested we hire a lawyer to handle the paybacks - and they would work a settlement so we wouldn't have to payback such a huge amount over the actual amount paid out for the medical bills. We also had the potential of 4 insurance companies at least involved, and a trucking company who wanted to get out of the liability. It was a nightmare of a mess.
In the end, we won ... technically. But the other side got everything they asked for as far as numbers. I hope it covers the medical bills - though I suppose it will, barely.
Nothing will bring back Karen's brain or her ability to function in life. Nothing will bring back the time I've lost with my family because I was too tired from the nightmares to even function. And all the other stuff our Lawyer was looking to settle over ... money wan't going to cure any of that either. Though it would have been nice to finally get my arm checked - it will never work properly again either.
But we didn't run up huge medical bills. I suppose we could have ... but we were in such a fog and just were trying to make it from day to day those first few months. We wanted to believe that we were fine. The doctors in the ER wrote down something different on nearly every medical report and I'm not sure they got a single one right. So it appeared as if we were giving many different stories. I am well use to people totally not listening to a word I say. I guess what I SHOULD have said ...
"We were slammed at 60+ mph by an 18 wheeler as we were turning onto the ONLY road going to my house. Our car spun and then rolled (without hitting the ground) twice into a 12 ft ditch, throwing us past the entire yard of the house on the corner. His truck came to rest nearly a 1/4 a mile from the impact, and we were between 1/3 and 1/2 of the way between him and the point of impact."
I don't really want to get into it any more than that. I'm guessing I shouldn't since LaRue's case is still outstanding. But since the JURY has been released to spread their version of a very noisy van load of screaming kids was stopped on the road and the driver did his best to avoid us. (Our kids were not screaming. LaRue had gone to sleep a few miles back. Joel and Matthew had been counting school buses and were discussing/4 year old version of a disagreement about why they were no longer seeing school buses (it was quite funny) but it was really barely above whispers since LaRue was asleep finally. Soft music was playing in the back of the van. And Karen and I had been discussing Bethie and things we could try with her once we started school back up in January. Karen hated a noisy car and the kids knew it.) We never saw or heard a car go around us as the truck driver claims - and I was looking out past Karen just before we were hit. It's not a turn you take quickly - and we had been watching traffic behind us for the last few miles to make sure we knew what was behind us. My mom always made me help her watch the road when she drove us around - I just do it automatically. Plus, I was still quite sore from having a baby, and had braced myself for the slight but abrupt drop onto the oil road and the bumpy ride home. We had just come from the Midwife's last appointment, so I had my camera - and you guys know I use to be very up to date on all events with pictures for this blog. So when I found the camera ... I did take a few pictures.
But none of that matters. It was the WORST ever experience of my life. And if possible, I am even less impressed with lawyers and doctors than I was 4 years ago (at least with their listen skills and not running roughshod over you because they are smarter than you are ... I have great respect for the jobs they do). One thing I walked away with ... it's all an entertainment show put on for the jury. I couldn't believe how much friendliness was between the lawyers, and how far from the actual truth they were able to twist everything without actually lying outright. Our feelings were disregarded most of the time - which didn't surprise me at all. I feel violated and trampled ... and emotionally distressed. I just want to hide. None of us feel like hunting for a tree to decorate - though one never knows with Kendra - she might decide to after all, IF she can find the tree - it's not been up for so long that we are not really sure where we put it. None of us feel like falling into the hard work of making gifts for everyone with only a week left. We don't feel like shopping, or baking, or even visiting. I'm guessing I did very poorly on my couple of hours on the witness stand. I know my brain checked out completely. I remember shaking uncontrollably, and Kendra says she walked me over to Taco Bell for lunch in the middle. But I really have very few seconds of memory as to what I said or anyone asked me - I only tried to answer the questions with the truth.
We have a huge stack of Christmas videos and enjoy one or two every night. Rue has about 40 Christmas videos on her Innotab. And we checked out a large stack of Christmas picture books from the library, and the kids are reading those. We've had our summer sausage and our egg nog. We are alive and healthy. We are hoping to get ourselves together enough to do up the pillowcases today and get them all tie dyed - though I know they will not be ready in time for Christmas, as the dye has to set for a week at least, and prepping them will take another week. Kendra was to punch embroider them as well. Maybe we can give them as birthday gifts through the year instead. Karen let the kids do a gingerbread house last week... or maybe that was Monday? I didn't even think to take a picture.
Oh yes, I had asked everyone to pray about Vannan's work situation. She had wanted to work at the same Mcd's as Tim does - but the owners won't allow that. So she went to the next closest one - which is only 8 or 9 months old. And it is having MAJOR personnel problems. Vannan only wanted to work 15 - 20 hours a week. And for the first month, things were going pretty good, so Kendra put in her application as well. By the time Kendra was hired, over half of the people that had been on the rolls when Vannan had started had quit. The owners have the store on the top of their "fix it" list and Vannan was being asked to work a few extra hours each week. Our friend is not over this store, and was not able to help with the situation. They were pushing her over 30 hours weekly - which left her with little time to relax before she was in bed at 8pm at night and up by 6am to head back to work... and she would get back home around 4pm. We requested that they keep her hours below 24. They assured us that they would do so - and for the next two weeks still gave her 32 and 34 hours scheduled. We finally wrote them a note that her last day would be the 13th. I think giving them 7 weeks at 34+ hours was time enough for them to fix the problem if they really wanted to work with us. The work was not the problem - it was just the working twice the number of hours that she was comfortable working. She feels adrift and would really like to find a job that will keep her hours down to the 15 - 20 hours a week. She is saving money with hopes of attending Meredith Manor in 4 or 5 years. It's an expensive horse college. So she still wants to work somewhere.
I'm not asking for sympathy or tears. Just keep us in your prayers. I don't know how long that it will take for me to return so much emotional baggage to their proper boxes and shelves ... things I've not thought of for years have been slamming into me with alarming frequency and no warning - triggered by sounds, smells, words ... a stray thought. Maybe its just part of being a melancholy INTJ (personality types) or maybe I just am as weird and strange as everyone always tells me that I am. I'm not wallowing in pity or despair either. It is what it is. God will get us through this too.
Life is what it is.
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